I’m not a good passenger.
I mean really not good. If I’m ever sitting in your front seat, you can guarantee I’m doing everything in my power to 1) not look at the road so I don’t freak out and 2) not let you know that’s what I’m doing.
I also don’t like to be the driver, so really, I’m such a delight to be around.
I know it sounds crazy, but there is actually logic to my driving neurosis. Being a passenger is scary because you’re not in control. You don’t really know that your driver is paying attention, and what if someone comes out of nowhere and the driver doesn’t see. As my mother said when I begged for later curfews: It’s not you I don’t trust. It’s everyone else.
On the flip side, though, it’s really nice to hand over control sometimes. I don’t want to have to think about which turn to take, how bad traffic is, or which road is shut down for construction this week.
Being a single mom can often feel like that.
You’re the Boss–Whether You Like It or Not
When you’re the only adult in the house, guess who’s driving?
Meals, schedules, clothes, activities, discipline, chores, sleepovers, homework, play time, screen time…every single decision has to go through you. Chances are that even if you carried the bigger parenting burden when you were married, becoming a literal single mom was probably a big transition. There’s just something about being the only adult in the mix.
Top off home duties with work duties and everything concerning household finances, and you’ll soon feel overloaded with things you’re responsible for.
That’s probably a good thing. No one can do this job quite like you can. After a certain point, being in control becomes second nature to you, and it’s harder to give up control than to just keep it.
The Secret Joy of “Release and Allow”
I have a newsflash for you: you’re not actually in control of as much as you think you are.
Think about how fast life happens, how much things outside your control will still affect you and your kids. Everything from mean girls at school to job loss to sickness. You know what I mean, and I bet part of you is resisting this idea already. Because if you aren’t in control…then what?
That’s where “release and allow” comes in.
Like when we’re passengers in the car, we often have to cede control. We can do a lot to improve our lives, but at the end of the day, a lot depends on the universe. So, let it go. Release and allow. Breathe.
When you’re driving in the rain and go into a skid, the worst thing you can do is white knuckle the steering wheel and insist on control. You’re much safer letting go and allowing the car to come to a stop on its own.
Those things you can’t control are like that, too. School calling in the middle of your biggest meeting of the month? Release and allow. Trust that everything will work out. Medical bills right at the worst time? Release and allow. That will be fine, too.
Of course this job requires work and perseverance. We can’t sit on the couch and expect everything to be peachy. But, after you’ve done your day’s work, release and allow. Trust the universe to take care of the rest.
What things are feeling out of control for you right now? Book a mini-session today and let’s chat about it.